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Step 1:

Acquire a 3.5 year old son. This might take some time if you don’t have a son already.

Step 2:

Put Cars on for him in a desperate attempt to allow yourself to get some work done. (Yes, I am the best parent ever and should totally write a parenting manual involving DVDs and marshmallow bribes).

Step 3:

Rinse and repeat. 36,000 times.

Pixar movies are wonderfully written, beautifully animated and as a Pixar fan-girl, must admit that I thought I would never tire of their films. But IF I HAVE TO WATCH LIGHTNING-FUCKING-MCQUEEN ONE MORE TIME I AM GOING TO TOP MYSELF.

That is all.

Can I have a kid that is NOT a wise-ass?

Posted by tealou on May 24, 2009 in Motherhood

Jules: “Mum, I have superpowers but they’re broken”

Me (feigning sympathy): “oh, that’s no good. How can you get them back?”

Jules: “I need to fix them”

Me: “How?”

Jules: “With my tools!”

Me: “Where are your tools?”

Jules: “In my toolbox!”

Me: “Where is your toolbox?”

Jules: “IN MY PANTS!”

He’s 3.

RIP Itchy.

Posted by tealou on Feb 3, 2006 in Motherhood, Uncategorized

“Itchy” is a grasshopper. He has been living in our bathroom for the last week. Mina named him and would talk to him, so we didn’t have the heart to remove him.

That is, until last night, when Itchy decided he would sit on the shower screen right near the sink, and Mina was too scared to brush her teeth. She asked me to get rid of him.

So, rather than kill him, I thought I would slightly close the shower door so that he was on the other side but out of view. Unfortunately, I don’t know my own strength and Itchy accidentally got squished.

I left the bathroom, Mina was happy enough and brushing her teeth, and all of a sudden, she is crying. She comes running up the hallway, looks me straight in the eye and said “he was my BEST FRIEND!”.

I replied “But Mina, you asked me to get rid of him”

She said, her big brown eyes all red and welled up with tears, “He was my best friend and now he’s DEAD!”

At which point, she turned around, ran up the hallway and slammed her door, crying.

Both of us sat there, competely bewildered by what had just happened, and I felt like the world’s WORST mother. I went in to see her, explained to her that it would “be alright”.

Mina didn’t miss a beat. She then looked at me with my obvious heartbroken guilt and said “Mum, Can I have a pet? I’d like a cat.”

I stammered for a bit and we finally haggled until it was agreed that we’d buy her a goldfish. Talk about capitalising!!

Jason then asked her if she had brushed her teeth after all that, and she said “I brushed my teeth and cried my eyes out at the same time”.

My heart was broken, and now we have to get a goldfish or my life depends on it. I can’t help but think we have either hit a major milestone in Mina’s emotional (and manipulative) development, or I have never given that kid enough credit. :)