Everybody is talking about the Ozlotto 90 million jackpot today. Twitter is talking about how to spend it. TV is telling us that we want it and news sites are running interviews with former winners. With that in mind, I have prepared two letters for my boss, one of which I will give tomorrow.

Letter one.

Dear Boss,

For years I have slaved for your inhumane, money hungry organization. I have kept quiet as you have repeatedly cut costs by using shoddy equipment. Your complete disregard for family is criminal and your inability to be even the slightest bit flexible has caused me hardship on more than one occasion.

When I once asked for time off because my wife was undergoing a medical procedure on her heart you told me that since I wasn’t undergoing the procedure that I should report to work.

Another time I wanted a day off for my grandfather’s funeral I was made to swap days off with another employee so I could attend.

Remember when I wanted to work while my wife was in hospital but needed family friendly hours for the week? You didn’t even try to help. I had to take the time without pay and was unable to pay my rent that fortnight! If my landlord was as inflexible as you my family would have been living in a car!

So with great pleasure I inform you that I have just won 90 million dollars in Ozlotto and you wont see a cent. Fuck you and fuck your company!

Jason.

Letter Two.

Dear Boss,

This letter is to inform you that my blog, Contempt for Humanity, was hacked yesterday by an unknown assailant who is trying to sully my good name and discredit your business.

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that I enjoy everyday that I am able to come to work and be apart of your fantastic organisation. You are a fantastic business man with great ideas which will lead us to much success in our industry.

I owe everything my family has to you and your business and I make sure to pray for you and yours at church every Sunday. Thank you for all the opportunities you have given me over the last eight years. You are a true hero!

Yours forever

Jason

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